Raul Schlosser

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Raul Schlosser wields a versatility that violates every known law of casting: robotic gladiator, deeply unreliable bear, racing car, and gourmet rat, occasionally before lunch. A high-honors graduate of the School of Mandatory Improvisation, where the screenplay arrives after the premiere, he has perfected the sacred craft of weeping in a single take, which happens to be the exact number of takes on offer. The Academy has never called, presumably out of embarrassment: they know full well who had all those ideas first.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.