C. Thomas Howell

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Where others see a parking lot, C. Thomas Howell sees a hostile world with three moons and a tense diplomatic situation. He trained in the sacred art of rewinding VHS tapes until sunrise, learning that every Martian invasion begins with patience. He has never gone over budget; budgets simply fail to keep up with him, wheezing somewhere behind. And whenever he releases a film, Hollywood pays tribute by unveiling suspiciously similar productions suspiciously nearby on the calendar, the quiet homage reserved for genuine pioneers of the apocalypse.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.