William Castrogiovanni

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

No screenplay has ever managed to tame William Castrogiovanni, and plenty have tried: his naturalness is less a performance than a weather event with legal representation. Forged in the most independent independent theater ever documented—so independent that nobody, including him, could locate the venue—he memorizes entire scripts on the first read, which is customarily the only read. In Jurassic Reborn the dinosaurs blinked first; in Independents' Day the fleet retreated. Hollywood monitors his career with genuine envy and increasingly powerful binoculars.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.