Stephen Blackehart

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Stephen Blackehart wields a versatility that violates every known law of casting: scientist, caveman, supernova survivor, all in the same shirt. He graduated with highest honors from the brutal academy of compulsory improvisation, where the script arrives politely after the shoot wraps. His signature miracle is weeping perfectly on the first take, which is fortunate, since the first take is the only take there is. He has raced death, outrun a hundred million years, and mapped the land time forgot. The Academy still hasn't called, presumably out of shame.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.