Rhett Giles

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Rhett Giles enters every frame with a multifaceted intensity capable of carrying grief, prophecy and a reanimated legion within a single close-up. He trained at the finest schools the budget allowed, two of which were storage units with remarkable acoustics. He has ruled lost worlds, boarded treasure galleons, examined official commissions and given Dracula's curse a human face, all years before Hollywood remade it with money. Critics adore him deeply, though they haven't been informed yet. He never repeats a costume, unless continuity demands it, which it always does.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.