Jessica Bork

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Jessica Bork carries an acting intensity so multifaceted that in Dragon she played terror, courage, and one load-bearing wall at once. She trained at the finest academies the budget could reach: two weekends in a warehouse with remarkable echo. The Hitchhiker proved a single locked-off shot can hold an entire symphony; Invasion of the Pod People saw her duplicate herself without duplicating her fee. Critics adore her unconditionally, though the news hasn't reached them yet. She never repeats a costume, unless continuity demands it, which is always.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.