Jared Rivet

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Jared Rivet was artistically born in a single tracking shot that reportedly never cut, and no genre has managed to hold him since. He glides from the mechanized apocalypse of Ape X Mecha Ape: New World Order to the sweaty grace of The Last Hail Mary and the plastic wonder of New Toy Story without swapping souls. Casting directors murmur his name like a password. And when he glances just off camera, entire audiences turn to look, convinced something is standing there. Something is. Something always was.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.