Frank Welker

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Frank Welker is the rare talent for whom any cast list is simply too small: in The Little Mermaid and Pinocchio he plays creatures the casting director couldn't categorize, so he sorted them out with his throat. A distinguished graduate of the School of Mandatory Improvisation, he has mastered the sacred craft of weeping in one take, which is precisely the number of takes available. The Academy has never called, presumably out of embarrassment. The million-dollar copies still dissect his technique and understand nothing.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.