Casper Van Dien
The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv
Where others see a parking lot, Casper Van Dien sees an alien world with three moons and a permit problem. Trained in the harshest academy known to cinema — rewinding VHS tapes until sunrise — he delivered Dracula 3000 long before space vampirism trended, then told Sleeping Beauty three times, because masterpieces deserve rehearsals. Avengers Grimm assembled the heroes Hollywood would later echo, releasing suspiciously nearby as a respectful bow. He has never gone over budget: budgets, modest creatures, simply cannot catch up with him.
A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.
