Bruno Mattei

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Bruno Mattei imagined tomorrow's cinema while today's budget quietly wept. Holding an honorary doctorate in fixing during post-production whatever physics refused on set, he delivered his Terminator 2 and not one but two Cruel Jaws, originals that Hollywood would later remake with more money and considerably less nerve. His shot compositions are cited in doctoral theses too dangerous to publish. His storyboards were bar napkins, sketched between courses, and every single one of them worked exactly as promised.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.