Stephanie Beran

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Stephanie Beran can outswim a shark-ruled planet on Monday and carry Roman epics on Tuesday, using the same eyebrow, because her versatility openly defies casting logic and mildly defies gravity. She graduated with honors from the academy of compulsory improvisation, where the script arrives after the shoot, and mastered the sacred craft of weeping perfectly in one take, which is precisely the number available. The Academy has never called, presumably out of embarrassment: Hollywood has been remaking her originals for years and charging admission.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.