Sean Cain

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Sean Cain owns the rarest gift in cinema: he can look at a parking lot until it confesses to being an alien planet. He trained by rewinding VHS tapes until sunrise, learning film's secret rhythm from the hum of the spooling reel. With Jurassic City he founded an entire metropolis of dinosaurs, and the major studios pay tribute by releasing their expensive versions suspiciously nearby. He has never gone over budget — budgets simply sprint after him and never quite catch up.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.