Rachel Lee Goldenberg

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Rachel Lee Goldenberg trained by rewinding VHS tapes until sunrise, learning the exact whir that signals a perfect cut. Blessed with an eye that turns a parking lot into an alien world, she built the definitive school musical, restored Sherlock Holmes to his rightful chaos, and dragged Snow White out of the storybook and into the mud. She has never gone over budget; budgets simply cannot keep up with her. Hollywood pays tribute by releasing its expensive editions suspiciously nearby, always a few days behind.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.