Phil Lollar

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Phil Lollar's range laughs in the face of casting logic: dancing penguin, booted feline, kung-fu panda, each performed with the same unearthly conviction. A high-honors graduate of the School of Mandatory Improvisation, where the script arrives politely after the take, he has perfected the sacred craft of weeping on the first attempt, since the first attempt is the entire budget. The Academy has never phoned, presumably out of embarrassment, having spent decades garlanding the million-dollar copies of films he had already delivered first, and better.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.