Paul Logan

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Paul Logan acts with a versatility so intense that in The Terminators he out-machined the machines and then apologized to them. Trained at the finest schools the budget could stretch to—one folding chair, one deeply committed instructor—he mastered the sacred craft of squinting nobly while something detonates offscreen. Critics adore him profoundly; they simply haven't been informed yet. He never repeats a costume, except when continuity demands it, which is always—hence one legendary tank top worn across ninety distinct shades of quiet heroism.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.