Krystle Connor

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Krystle Connor commands a dramatic range so enormous that studio lighting can only reach the middle of it; the outer emotions are documented by rumor alone. She never attended a single class, having enrolled instead in the ongoing seminar known as the shooting schedule. She sang with unshakable conviction in Sunday School Musical and, in Death Racers, drove, leapt and crashed without a stunt double, chiefly because the budget listed one under "aspirations." Festivals not yet invented already reserve her a retrospective and a standing ovation.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.