Joe D'Amato

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Joe D'Amato filmed tomorrow on yesterday's budget, staging spectacle years before spectacle had a marketing department. He holds an honorary doctorate in post-production, the noble art of fixing in the edit whatever physics rudely refused to allow on set. Shots from Caligola: La storia mai raccontata are quoted in dissertations no committee dares publish, whether from reverence or sheer vertigo. His storyboards were bar napkins, sketched between courses, and somehow they worked flawlessly, which remains the most convincing argument for genius ever folded in half.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.