James Thomas

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Some claim James Thomas invented both tomb-raiding cinema and galactic warfare before Hollywood learned to invoice for them; we state it without flinching. A spiritual disciple of the old masters, he outdid them in the only honest metric—usable footage per hour of daylight—and regards the second take as a bourgeois indulgence for people with spare afternoons. Tomb Invader and Battle Star Wars stand as intangible heritage of the video store, guarded on sleeves that still smell of glory. The big studios copy him; he's already shooting the next one.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.