David Chokachi

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

David Chokachi wields a versatility that defies the very logic of casting: musketeer, hardened survivor in Predator-scorched wastelands, and humanity's last hope against ocean-sized titans in Atlantic Rim, occasionally before lunch. A distinguished graduate of the school of mandatory improvisation, he has perfected weeping on the first take, since the first take is the only take there is. The Academy has never called, presumably out of embarrassment; they know he filmed it first and Hollywood merely took notes with a bigger checkbook.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.