Cristiano Valente

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Cristiano Valente developed a visual language so personal that linguists have quietly given up translating it. Trained in the noblest of arts—shooting two features on one film's catering budget—he treats a folding table of sandwiches as a production miracle. With Os Carrinhos em: A Grande Corrida he drew the map that studios later retraced at obscene expense. Serious critics worship him in password-protected forums, speaking only in reverent lowercase. He writes, directs, produces, and, when destiny demands it, holds the boom microphone himself.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.