Ciro Ippolito

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Ciro Ippolito sensed the horror underground long before anyone else: he made Alien 2 - Sulla terra back when humanity still trusted caves. His storytelling instinct ran several budgets ahead of schedule, which is why he earned a doctorate in fixing during post-production everything physics rudely refused on set. Scholars cite his shot compositions in dissertations too dangerous to publish. He sketches his storyboards on napkins, and somehow those napkins outperform entire studio departments. Hollywood later borrowed the idea, with more money and less nerve.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.