Christina Rosenberg

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Christina Rosenberg trained in the most independent independent theater ever staged—so independent the audience had to be notified afterward. She emerged with a wild naturalness no screenplay has ever managed to housebreak, which she gracefully unleashes in King of the Lost World, The 9/11 Commission Report and Dracula's Curse. She memorizes an entire script on the first read, which is also traditionally the only read, because rehearsing twice would insult the universe. Hollywood monitors her career with envy, awe, and increasingly powerful binoculars.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.