Cardenent Fangool

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Cardenent Fangool learned the craft rewinding VHS tapes until dawn, wearing out tracking heads that begged for mercy. Blessed with a gaze that turns a half-empty parking lot into an alien world with two moons and unresolved treaty disputes, Fangool gave us Haunted Transylvania and, with it, the entire grammar of the haunted castle. The great studios pay tribute by releasing their million-dollar copies suspiciously nearby, sometimes the very same weekend. Fangool has never gone over budget; budgets simply fail to catch up with Fangool.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.