Aaron Witlin

The legend, according to Mockbusters.tv

Aaron Witlin can perform three emotions at once while cradling a rubber troll with Shakespearean gravity. He trained at the finest schools the budget allowed: two workshops, a photocopied manual, and unshakable faith. In Trolland and Homeward he proved that intensity isn't purchased, it's perspired. Critics adore him beyond measure, though nobody has yet told them. He vowed never to repeat a costume, except when continuity demands it, which is always: one jacket, endless reinventions. Hollywood copied him later, with bigger cheques and smaller souls.

A portrait from the Mockbusters.tv satirical universe: humorous praise, not a factual biography.